“Why are you still talking?” is something I ask myself mid-sentence on a pretty regular basis.
Hope. The one word that sums up my weekend.
Those born in Year of the Adult have a reputation of being organised, committed and responsible. Adults are known for turning down a boozy night out for a sophisticated restaurant meal or an evening spent on the couch; both of which end in heading to bed before 10pm. Adults may often seem irritated, exhausted and overworked, and whilst they may seem financially secure from the outside of their recently purchased and extremely moderate home, they are well accustomed to the term ‘mortgage’ and the phrase ‘I can’t afford to do that at the moment’.
How do I feel about Facebook? I can’t stand it.
Any one of my friends or family members would tell you that is one big, fat lie; that in fact I must love Facebook because I can’t seem to get through a moment of silence without picking up my phone and refreshing my newsfeed (even though I just checked it 36 seconds beforehand).
Yes, it’s a problem. Yes, I have tried to delete it, and wish I could again. But will I?
It was Anzac Day, 2010.
My housemate and I were awake and raring to go at 4.30am, ready to make the trek into the city and attend the dawn service at the Shrine of Remembrance in Melbourne.
We’ve all heard the phrase. In fact, as soon as the words “I’m not angry…” escape from anyone’s lips, you most often find your legs violently propelling you in the opposite direction, or at the very least, suddenly discover something ridiculously interesting on the end of your big toe.
No matter how old I am, I would much rather my parents be angry with me than disappointed. In fact, I’d prefer anyone be the former over the latter.
When I’m in my 20s, I’ll go to university and get a degree. I’ll travel the world and learn several languages. I’ll fall in love and we’ll never argue, we’ll always be happy and I’ll never feel hurt. I’m going to own so many pets, it’s not even funny. I’ll definitely do lots of charity work and make a real difference in the world. I’ll buy a big, lovely house and never be worried about paying it off.
Oh, hi 20s! Wow, things really aren’t going to plan.
It’s happened. I’ve become the person I never wanted to be. A wanna-be-bride.
Travelling makes me nervous.
Perhaps that’s why I haven’t done a lot of it. As I approached my high school graduation, I imagined spending my gap year trekking through South America with a backpack bigger than my head and torso combined, or hostel-hopping around Europe, absorbing cultural experience and foreign beers in equal parts. But booking tickets, packing my bag, getting on a plane and navigating my way around?
Every now and then I notice myself behaving in a certain way, or carefully consider why I act the way I do sometimes, and realise it’s a result of bullying.
I don’t like to admit that bullying shaped some of the person I am today; in fact I don’t really like to reflect on that time in my life at all. It wasn’t until I had left high school and was starting out at university that I realised it had left a permanent imprint on my personality. The person I am today is partially because of the way I was treated when I was most vulnerable. And although I don’t like it, I’ve decided it’s not a bad thing. Not the best, no; but definitely not the worst.